And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
