This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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