i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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