Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize