break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
