saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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