low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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