my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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