i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
