Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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