can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
