It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
