Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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