Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
