I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
