Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
