Your face is a jimmy john
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
