I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
the room spins SO much faster in panama
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize