Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
