i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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