1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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