Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
