i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
