Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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