I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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