Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
