Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the day after is always just damage control
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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