thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
