I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
