That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
