Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
