I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
