he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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