The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
