i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
