I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
