just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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