I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
