I swear she didn't look like that last week.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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