I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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