Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
