Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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