This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
