weddingsv make me drug and hornr
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
