she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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