i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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