worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
