If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
