I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize