lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
