1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
