I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
