i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
