We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
