Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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