so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
