it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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