the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
