How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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