i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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