why didn't you poke me back
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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