That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
