last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
