I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
