I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
