last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
