Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
