It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
