Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
