There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
