i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize